Handling Anger and Conflict
Lesson Aim
To help kids learn appropriate ways to express anger and handle
conflict situations.
Objectives
Kids will:
- discover how venting anger can hurt people;
- learn how a Bible character unselfishly settled a conflict;
- apply new techniques for settling conflicts; and
- make a commitment to express anger appropriately.
You Will Need
- a can of soft drink
- newsprint
- markers
- masking tape
- two bags of large marshmallows
- copies of the "Peacemaker
Certificate"
- pencils
Bible Basis
Genesis 13:1-18
Abraham and Lot had traveled together from Egypt and were preparing to
set up more permanent residence in Canaan. As the patriarch, Abraham had
every right to tell Lot where to go and when to leave. Instead, he chose
to avoid conflict and allowed Lot to take the fertile land in the valley.
What a contrast to the "fight for your rights" mentality we see
so often in today's society.
Abraham was able to surrender his rights because he trusted God
completely. God honored that trust by promising Abraham the whole land and
a nation of descendants to fill it.
Ephesians 4:2-3
Humility, gentleness, patience and love are not always the easiest
qualities to demonstrate, especially when a person is unjustly jailed! But
Paul lived what he taught, and he challenged believers--then and now--to
strive for those characteristics as well.
Understanding Your Kids
A lot of Christian kids grow up thinking it's wrong to get angry. But
the truth is, anger is a healthy human emotion. Depending on the cause of
the anger, there's often nothing wrong with getting angry. But there is
something wrong with expressing our anger in ways that hurt
people--including ourselves. Interestingly enough, it also appears to be
just as harmful in the long run to try to stifle and deny anger as it is
to vent it in rage.
Younger kids will often burst into tears and stomp their feet when
conflict gives way to anger. Kids in the primary years may resort to
hitting and name-calling. Older elementary kids may use sarcasm and
mockery to vent their feelings.
Kids of all ages can learn simple techniques to help bring their
feelings under control and work toward a solution. Slammed doors and
name-calling don't make for positive change. An honest, open discussion of
the source of conflict does.
The Lesson
Attention Grabber
Caution: Explosives!
Take the kids outside to an open, grassy area or a parking lot and form
a circle. Toss a can of soft drink up in the air and catch it yourself. As
you catch the can, finish the sentence: "It really makes me mad
when..." Then toss the can to a student across the circle. Have that
student finish the same sentence and then toss the can to another person.
If you have lots of small children, you might want to have kids just hand
the can to them.
Keep going until everyone in the class has caught the can and told what
makes him or her mad. If the can gets dropped and well shaken up in the
process, so much the better. If the can hits the ground and pops open
before you finish, skip to the second question below.
Have the last person toss the can back to you. Shake it a little and do
the following:
- What's going to happen when I open this can? Go
ahead and open the can, being careful to aim the spray away from
yourself and toward the empty center of the circle. Kids will probably
scream in delight as the soft drink blasts from the container.
- Why did the can blow up like this?
- How is this like what happens when people get angry?
- When have you ever gotten angry and blown up like this?
- Does blowing your top make things better? Why or why not?
It never really pays to blow your top. It's a lot smarter to learn how
to handle conflicts and arguments so things get better--not worse. Today's
Bible story is about a man who knew how to do that.
Bible Study
Keeping the Peace (Genesis 13:1-18)
Read the following story of Abraham and Lot.
God told Abraham and his nephew Lot to move from Egypt to the land of
Canaan. Abraham and Lot were both very wealthy men, so they had to move
their tents and their sheep and their shepherds. When they got to the
place called Bethel, Abraham bowed down and worshipped the Lord.
But soon a problem arose. Abraham and Lot had so many sheep there
wasn't enough grass and water to go around. The sheep got very thirsty.
Abraham's shepherds and Lot's shepherds started fighting.
"Our master is greater than your master, so move your
sheep," Abraham's shepherds said.
"But we got here first, so go find water somewhere else,"
Lot's shepherds argued.
Meanwhile, the poor sheep got thirstier and thirstier.
Abraham and Lot were sitting in their tents when they heard about
their shepherds fighting. They both shook their heads and then went to
talk things over.
Abraham said, "Let's not quarrel about this. After all, we're
family. Look over this whole land and choose the part where you want to
live. If you go one way, I'll go the other."
Abraham really didn't have to be so nice. Because he was older, he
was the boss and could have chosen first. But Abraham trusted God to
work things our, so he let Lot make the first choice.
Lot looked to the right and to the left. On one side was a valley
with lots of grass and water and even some cities. On the other side
stood rugged mountains and wilderness.
Lot said, "I'll take the plan. You take the mountains."
So Lot moved his tents and his sheep and his shepherds toward the
city in the valley. Abraham moved his tents and his sheep and his
shepherds toward the mountains.
Abraham kept the peace, even though it meant living in rougher
territory. God blessed Abraham and promised to give him the whole land.
Lot, who chose selfishly, got in big trouble moving to the wicked city
and barely escaped with his life!
Discussion Topics:
- Why didn't Abraham fight for his rights? (He cared more about
keeping peace.)
- What happened to Abraham because he acted unselfishly? (God blessed
him and promised to give him the whole land.)
- What was more important to Abraham than getting his own way?(Keeping
the peace)
- What advice do you think Abraham would give us about settling
arguments? (Think about the other person's feelings; don't always
insist on your rights; be willing to compromise.)
- Do you always think about how the other person feels?
- When you don't, what happens? (Fight)
Life Application
Marshmallow Madness
Teacher Tips:
- If you'd rather not use marshmallows for this activity, you could
try soft foam balls or wadded-up newspapers.
- You might want to have your older kids throw underhand and be gentle
toward smaller kids. Even marshmallows can sting if they're thrown
hard enough.
Have the children help you lay a masking tape
line down the middle of the room. Have Abraham's group form a team on one
side of the line, and Lot's group form a team on the other. Give each team
a bag of large marshmallows.
Say: OK, you guys are really mad at each other-so mad you're ready to
throw marshmallows! So go ahead and explode. Throw all the marshmallows
you can at the other team. When a marshmallow hits you, throw it right
back at the other team. When I call time, the team with the most
marshmallows on its side loses. Ready. Go! Call time after about two
minutes. Count up the marshmallows on, each side and declare the winners
and losers. Then ask:
- How does it feel to be a winner? (Great!)
- How does it feel to be a loser? (Awful.)
- How was this marshmallow war like a real argument? (We fought as
hard as we could; we tried to hurt them more than they hurt us; it got
kind of out of control.)
- How was it different from a real argument (Nobody really got hurt
we're not really mad at each other, everyone is still friends.)
- How could we have made this come out with no winners or losers?
Kids may or may not realize that if no one had thrown any marshmallows,
both teams would have had the same number, and no one would have won or
lost. Say: It's fun throwing marshmallows back and forth. But it's not fun
when we let our anger explode and start exchanging hurtful words. God
wants us to be peacemakers, even if it means giving up some of our rights
as Abraham did.
Commitment
Pointers for Peace
Give kids each a photocopy of the "Peacemaker
Certificate" handout and a pencil. Ask a volunteer to read
the Bible passage aloud. Then have kids take turns reading the peacemaking
pointers in the corners. Discuss how each one can help kids control their
anger and start working toward a peaceful solution.
Then have volunteers role play as many of the following situations as
you have time for. Do each role play twice. The first time, have kids get
angry and shout. The second time, have the kids use the advice on the
certificate to work toward a peaceful resolution.
Here are the situations:
- Your brother borrowed your bicycle. The next day you go to ride it
and discover it has a flat tire.
- Someone accidentally runs into you in the hall at school and knocks
your books an over the floor.
- You didn't hang up your clothes, and your mom is really angry with
you.
- Your sister is playing loud music on her boom
box and it is driving you crazy.
- Your younger brother knocked over and destroyed your latest Lego
creation.
After the role plays, say:
These peacemaking ideas really work! They worked for Abraham, and
they can work for you. If you're ready to, work at being a peacemaker,
sign your name on your certificate.
Closing
Gather kids in a circle and have them put their arms around each
other's shoulders. Close with prayer, asking God to help kids work for
peace and trust the outcome to Him. As kids leave, encourage them to share
the peacemaking ideas on their certificate with their families.
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Handling Anger and Conflict 